So this old boyfriend tracked me down

out of the blue yesterday. He found my mother's name, which, by the necessity of a long story, ended up connecting to my sister. It seemed a little weird to me--I mean, why's he calling me? I remember him to be a person of fine moral condition, a really good guy, but hey, who knows what life does to someone. He could be really, REALLY weird by now.

Well, he's not. I just spoke with him (yes, yes, I asked my dh his opinion first, and he said, "It's fine. I don't care. Call him. See what's up."), and it turns out he's still an all right guy. Whew. I have to say, though, it was still mighty surprising. When somebody springs out of your past, it tends to mean something major happened, and that person wants you to know. But nobody died, nobody needs a kidney, and our visit was pretty good (Hi *waving* David, if you're reading).

So what's your opinion on this? Is it "fine" to contact an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend suddenly after lots of time has passed? I have to admit that there are certain exes, whom I shall not name here, whose phone calls would cause me to change my number and possibly take other actions to prevent further contact. Why would they call me anyway? Being the person I am, I've thought this through and practically analyzed it to death. Wanna hear more?

I, myself, have not made any of these calls to anyone from years past, though I have googled on occasion. And I can't think of anything that would urge me to call an ex. I think, "What do I have to gain by contacting said ex? Would said ex be interested in hearing from ME? Would this call in any way disrupt my happy life (or his for that matter)?" My answers, respectively are, "Nothing, doubtful, and possibly," so I don't feel the urge to call. Others, though, don't have this same thought process.

For instance, several years ago, in 2003, I believe, I received another such call from an ex, I'll call him Chris, although that's not his name. He and I didn't have the nicest breakup (he was obsessive and a little psycho at the end--not pretty), and the truth was that I broke up with him because it really just wasn't a good match. It wasn't. Nice guy but not the right one for me. Anyway, the breakup was in 1997 or 1998. He found me via internet (lovely thing it is) in a new state, a new city, with my married name and called me. Imagine the conversation:
Me: Hello?
Him: Uhhh, is this (insert my name here)?
Me: Who's this? (I recognized the voice but couldn't place it.)
Him: It's me, "Chris." I live in New York now.
Me: Hey, that's great! What do you want? Why are you calling me?
Him: I see you have a different name now. Married are ya?
Me: Yeah, and I've got a little baby playing here on the floor. Why are you calling me?
Him: Well, I was just wanting to see how you're doing. I'm in culinary school.
Me: Fine. I'm doing fine.
Him: I'm living in Brooklyn with my girlfriend, too.
Me: Good, good for you. Hey, it's not a good time for me. I'm gonna hang up. We can talk later or whatever.
Him: Well, I just wanted to say sorry for how I acted. That last month or so I was a little crazy.
Me: It's okay. It's fine. I gotta go. I'll talk to ya later. *click*

And that was that. Part of me felt like I wanted to protect the great life I'd built from this unpredictable angry dude (what I had known him to be)--well, that really WAS it, not part of it. I never heard from that guy again. Maybe he's happy and cooking up a storm in New York....

I just haven't had much interest beyond basic googling curiosity into finding out what people in my past are doing. I am also very conscious about the appearance of impropriety. I would certainly never do anything that would compromise the integrity of my marriage and my relationship with dh, but sometimes it's not what you do; it's what it LOOKS like you're doing that counts. My dear husband is a ridiculously calm, gentle, and peaceful guy--not jealous in the least--so that wasn't an issue in this situation, and neither would it be for me if he decided to contact an ex of his. But again, why would he?

I guess some folks are driven to act on that curiosity, and that has to be okay. This really is an age of suspicion, of protecting our identities, and of being careful of what people know about us. But good grief, it's a call from a decent person, an old friend perhaps, that in this case, was just fine. I may even speak with him again.

p.s. To you people who are asking for more pictures in this blog, I'm WORKIN' on it. :)